So, I was at my local Munch the other day and the topic of scene negotiation came up. I must admit I was a tiny bit surprised upon hearing who some believe the responsibility falls to. The opinion on importance also differed depending on roles.

For me, as a fully fledged member of The Fluffy Sadist Club, negotiation is SO important for any hardcore play I partake in, and even more important with someone new. I can take weeks to fully understand a potential play partner. For me, the importance is to 100% make sure that they understand the importance of what we're discussing but also to make sure that they understand their own responsibility in the negotiations. Simply answering all my questions truthfully just isn't enough. I always strive to give my potential play partners the confidence to look inwardly and speak up about anything, no matter how trivial they feel it is. I simply cannot know everything about them and I feel that it's their responsibility to inform me of anything I might have missed.

The aim is for my play partner not to feel the NEED to call red during a scene, which might sound obvious to some, but if a play partner is always thinking about if they should call red or indeed does call red then my feeling is that I/we have failed in our negotiations, (excluding any accidents.) I might have failed to express myself accurately or to truly understand where my play partner's head is at.

This is written from an S/m standpoint. What are your thoughts/observations/protocols?